I choose you over my duty
by kiku-chan-89
Summary: Duty or Love. Kaworu has to choose. One will lead to betrayl, while the other will lead to the freedom of his kind. KaworuxShinji
1. Chapter 1

Title: I choose you over my duty

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Evangelion characters.

Author's note: I did this based on my experience when I had to make a difficult choice so I hope you all enjoy this

The knowledge of Ayanami's origins and what has become of Asuka had hit Shinji hard. He started into the large river created from the explosion by the previous angel. He wanted to turn back time, so that he was able to start all over again. But what is done cannot be undone.

He felt sorrow as one after another of friends and loved ones left him. Right now he only had Misato left, but she was too buried in her own sorrow, such a situation Shinji could not bare to even speak to her about his own troubles, though Misato knew what Shinji was going through and tried consoling him, but why did she even bother when she had her own trouble to tackle.

Shinji felt like playing his cello. He wanted to play a song that was never played before, a song that will portray all his feelings and allow the wind to carry away all his bitterness in the language of music.

Shinji continued to gaze at the deep waters, reflecting the evening sun's rays, giving it a warm orange feeling. He was deep in though just as the silent breeze to Shinji's ears carried Beethoven's famous Ode To Joy.

Shinji turned and followed the direction of which the song was coming from, only to find a boy around his age sitting on a rock and humming it. It gave Shinji a peaceful feeling, as he listened to the song silently while unconsciously kept looking at the other, while his feet brought his closer and closer.

"Singing relives the soul doesn't it?" The sudden speech from the boy startled Shinji. The speaker then turned to face Shinji, and crimson eyes met midnight blue. The speaker was just as pale as Ayanami but instead of blue hair, he had a mop of messy silver locks.

Upon looking at the new stranger, Shinji felt his heart facing. He did not know why, but the more he looked at the pale boy, the more he wanted him. He could not help but flush at the thought.

The stranger smiled and introduced himself, "Boku wa Kaworu, Nagisa Kaworu."

"Aa, boku wa Ikari Shinji."

Kaworu walked closer towards Shinji, making Shinji's heart face even more. Their eyes were locked on to each other's until Kaworu was about a few inches from Shinji's face. He smiled at the boy, causing Shinji to flush. Smiling he said, "Yoroshiku, Ikari-kun."

"Aa, yoroshiku. Shinji is fine though, Nagisa-kun"

"Kaworu is fine too, Shinji," the boy finally backed off a little to Shinji's relief.

It was another day at work but today Shinji did not need to do anything but to go through another of Doctor Akagi's synchronizing tests. Kaworu of course had the highest reading out of the three of them, which seemed odd for a newcomer, but Shinji pushed that idea out of his head.

He had decided to get closer to pale beauty after seeing him, Shinji had felt an odd attraction for Kaworu and he wanted to find out why, and the easiest and fastest way was to get closer to Kaworu.

The gates to Nerv finally opened after what seems like ages for Shinji and out came the person he wanted to see, Nagisa Kaworu.

Shinji stood up and Kaworu walked towards him with his ever-smiling face. "Waiting for me?" Kaworu asked.

"Aa. I was wondering whether you would like to take a look around Tokyo 3 since you are new. Well at least what is left of it," Shinji said, trying his best not to flush.

"Of course I would especially If Shinji-kun is willing to be my guide."

Shinji of course was blushing from head to toe now at Kaworu's comment, making the pale beauty smile.

"Demo, can we first take a bath? I feel sticky after all the activity that was going on today."

Now this made Shinji flush even more. "We! Kaworu-kun are you sure?"

Kaworu smiled as his answer and left towards the bathroom, while Shinji followed suit with himself flushing even redder, if he could even be any redder.


	2. Chapter 2

Title: I choose you over my duty

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Evangelion characters.

Author's note: I did this based on my experience when I had to make a difficult choice so I hope you all enjoy this

Shinji was washing his back when he felt a pair of cold hands touched him. Shinji jumped and turned around, only to find Kaworu smiling at him again.

"Ne Shinji-kun, can I wash your back for you?"

Shinji definitely wanted to say a no but it seems like his mouth betrayed him as it uttered a yes. Having agreed, Shinji had no choice but to turn around and let Kaworu wash his back.

Kaworu took and wash towel from Shinji's back and began to wash and massage every single muscle he could lay his hands on. 'This feels good' Shinji thought to himself as he unconsciously closed his eyes, savoring the feeling that Kaworu had given him. He had never felt this relaxed in his life, and he definitely did not want it to stop.

Kaworu, on the other hand, enjoyed washing Shinji as well. After all he only had a short time to spend in his life and he was happy to have met Shinji. He definitely did not want Shinji to be sad as long as he was alive. He had to accomplish his mission.

Kaworu frowned at that thought. Half of him did not want to accomplish his mission so that he could stay with Shinji, but the other half of him knew that by combining with Adam, is the only way it will free his other brothers and sisters from the curse that they are upon.

Kaworu knew he had the choice unlike the others; Kaworu was not bounded to his mission, since being the angel of free will had given him this opportunity to even live and try to be human for this short period of time, and how he wanted to live it.

The seem to have stopped for both boys as Kaworu dropped the wash cloth and was now massaging Shinji's shoulders, while Shinji was still enjoying the treatment that Kaworu was giving him.

But what Shinji did not know was that Kaworu also felt the same attraction as he did. The pair of hands that were once on Shinji's shoulders had now crept down to caress his firm chest. Shinji still had his eyes closed until Kaworu brushed past one of his nipples, causing him to gasp.

Turning behind, Shinji had not noticed that he had been resting against Kaworu's back. He flushed at the idea, as not he knew it would be hard to get out of the situation he was in, and not to mention the position he and Kaworu were in.

"Er…Kaworu-kun?" Shinji asked trying not to sound too nervous.

Kaworu seemed to notice the boy's uneasiness and released him from his embrace. "I'm sorry, I guess I got carried away."

Kaworu backed away, releasing the fey from his embrace, and went away to the closest shower room and quickly washed himself up. Shinji also did the same, bathing in silence.

Shinji showed Kaworu around Tokyo 3, both enjoying each others company rather than the place, talking about their lives, problems, everything.

Shinji felt happy with Kaworu, since he was the first one he could trust and really open up to without any worry. He even told Kaworu about Gendou and how he hated him, but inside him he was wondering how he could trust someone so much just when he only knew him just for a few hours.

But Shinji did not care. He felt as if a huge weight had been lifted off him, though there was still one thing that bothered him. Why did he felt this form of attraction towards the other boy? Shinji could not put his finger on it for he never felt this way before.

They headed for Kaworu's apartment for it was late by the time the finished touring around the place. Shinji called Misato and told her he could be spending the night over at Kaworu's.

Just as Shinji hung up, Kaworu handed him a spare shirt. Shinji gave Kaworu a questioning look.

Kaworu smiled before speaking, "I don't think you will want to go to school tomorrow with a crumpled uniform ne?"

Shinji blushed. Of course he would not want to, for he would definitely not want another mouthful from Asuka.

Night came rather quickly and Shinji was about to fall asleep when he noticed Kaworu looking at him. His pale skin seems to shimmer in the moonlight, giving him a mysterious aura, making look even more beautiful than he already is. Shinji blushed at the idea and hoped that the darkness is able to hide his rosy cheeks.

"Ne Shinji-kun."

"Naniga, Kaworu-kun?"

"You know, I should be the one that is sleeping on the floor."

"NO! I mean it's ok. I was the one that asked to be here."

Shinji turned to look at the ceiling, while Kaworu continued to look at the fey beauty. 'I can't believe that there would really be a lilim that can actually be so beautiful.' Kaworu thought to himself.

Before Shinji could do anything, Kaworu climbed down onto the extra mattress and he had set for Shinji.

"K-Kaworu-kun!"

"Shinji-kun, can I sleep with you tonight?"

"…" Shinji wanted to shake his head but it seems that his traitorous body betrayed him, for he nodded in agreement instead.

Kaworu then placed an arm over Shinji's chest, and a leg over his torso before falling asleep, as if afraid that Shinji would run away.

Shinji then looked at Kaworu. He did not feel afraid but felt safe in Kaworu's embrace instead. His heart began to beat faster and somehow as if struck by lightning; Shinji finally knew what he was feeling. He felt love. Shinji loved Kaworu and he wanted to tell him right now in fear of losing him.

He did not care about rejection for he had been rejected again and again, and if Kaworu were to reject him, he would just go back into his turtle shell and shield the world away from him.

Gathering all his courage, Shinji finally managed to utter, "N-Ne Ka-Kaworu-kun."

Kaworu opened his eyes and looked over at Shinji.

"I-I have some-something to t-tell you." Shinji could tell he was already blushing like there is no tomorrow, for he could feel the heat from his cheeks even though there was a cool breeze blowing through the window.

"I think I have fallen for you Kaworu-kun"


	3. Chapter 3

Title: I choose you over my duty

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Evangelion characters.

Author's note: I did this based on my experience when I had to make a difficult choice so I hope you all enjoy this

"I think I have fallen for you Kaworu-kun"

Kaworu's eyes grew wide. Perhaps this odd feeling that he had was also love. Yes he loved Shinji and he was so glad that Shinji loved him back.

Shinji turned his head away, for Kaworu seemed shocked. Is he going to shun Shinji away? Is he going to detest Shinji? Shinji felt fear in his heart. He knew he had been rejected a lot of times but he did not want Kaworu to reject him. Shinji felt a pang in his heart at the thought.

Kaworu seemed rather stoned until Shinji turning away from him broke him from his daze. He used one of his hands, placed it under Shinji's chin and turned his head so that Shinji was looking straight into his eyes as he was.

He hugged Shinji and it was the first time Kaworu cried. It felt odd but Kaworu did not know why as tears filled his eyes. He was so happy and said in a shaky voice, "Oh Shinji-kun, thank you so much. I love you too. God, how stupid could I be. I should have figured this out at once. I'm so sorry. I love Ikari Shinji."

Kaworu cried his heart out in joy while Shinji could only stay still as Kaworu's words paralyzed him. Kaworu loved him. Kaworu loved him, and before Shinji could even think anymore, he felt Kaworu pressed his lips on to his.

Shinji's eyes flew wide but when Kaworu pried his mouth open with his tongue and started licking every single bit of flesh he could, making Shinji moan at the sensation. Shinji closed his eyes and started to spar with Kaworu's tongue using his own. Shinji heart began to flutter and he felt as if he was flying.

Shinji encircled his hands around Kaworu's neck, while Kaworu had one hand on Shinji's head, preventing him from running away, and the other around Shinji's waist.

Both boys nibbled, licked and sucked on each other's flesh, only to break the kiss when they were out of breath, leaving their lips swollen. But they did not care for they knew that they belong to each other, now and forever.

Kaworu woke up as sunlight shone on his face. Shinji on the other hand was still sound asleep. He smiled at the thought of Shinji belonging to him. But he also knew that today was the day where he had to choose.

Kaworu's smile turned into a frown as he got up and started to prepare breakfast. After confessing to Shinji last night, he had totally forgotten about his mission. He was so deep in thought that he did not notice a pair of arms that had encircled his waist until he felt someone leaning against his back.

"Ohayo Kaworu."

"Aa. Ohayo Shin-chan."

Kaworu was glad that Shinji was unable to see the frown on his face at the moment but Shinji could sense that Kaworu was not behaving right.

"You ok Kaworu?"

"Aa, there's nothing to worry about. Go take a shower and breakfast will be ready ne?" He turned around and gave Shinji a reassuring smile.

Upon seeing Kaworu's usual smile, he took off to the bathroom for a shower.

'Shinji-kun. I have already made my choice, and I choose…"


	4. Chapter 4

Title: I choose you over my duty

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Evangelion characters.

Author's note: I did this based on my experience when I had to make a difficult choice so I hope you all enjoy this

"I choose my duty. I'm sorry, my Shinji."

By the time Shinji was done with his bath, Kaworu had already left the house for the young fey could not find his young lover anywhere. Shinji gulped down his cup of milk, finished his plate of pancakes and did the dishes in record time.

He was about to put on his shoes when he saw a note reading: Ne Shinji-kun, I will love you now and forever.

Shinji smiled at the thought of Kaworu, but he was still upset about Kaworu leaving for Nerv without waiting for him. He made a metal note to ask his pale lover why he did that.

Standing in front of the red Eva, Kaworu kept staring at it. He could not bear to kill Shinji. But he wanted to free his brothers and sisters from the curse of being bounded to their missions. He was about to activate Unit 02 when…

"Kaworu-kun!"

Kaworu turned to find a familiar face looking angrily at him. He heart started to race. Did Shinji found out about him being an angel?

But before Kaworu could do anything, the next thing he knew was that Shinji was already right in front of him, staring straight into his eyes.

"Ne why did you left the house without me!" Shinji asked trying to sound angry.

Kaworu signed and replied, "I had a meeting with Doctor Akagi."

Shinji was taken aback at the statement. Damn what a time to make a mistake.

Kaworu saw the sudden change in expression of his koi and took Shinji into his embrace. "It's alright, I know you are just worried about me. Sa…let's go and get a drink shall we?"

Shinji only nodded for this time he really made a big mistake in mistaking Kaworu.

Kaworu was now having second thought about his mission. Looking over at his young lover again, Kaworu knew that even if he and his brothers and sisters were able to be alive once again, life for him would not have any meaning without Shinji.

Kaworu could survive and live just like a normal human being if he wanted to and he was so muddled in thought that he had not noticed Shinji had walked up to him from behind and hugged him tightly.

"I will never let you go Kaworu."

Now that did it. Kaworu felt tears well up in his eyes again. How could he bear to hurt Shinji? No. He could not. 'I am sorry my brother and sisters, but I have chosen to be and live as a lilim. Life would mean nothing without my koi, and I hope you understand.' Kaworu prayed in his heart for his siblings, the other angels, before turning around and embracing Shinji.

"I now know what is my choice."

Shinji was puzzled by Kaworu's statement by he did not care. He loved Kaworu and he was not going to let him go, ever. He gave Kaworu another reassuring squeeze, before nuzzling his head into Kaworu's neck.

Kaworu, who was sobbing, managed to utter, "I have finally chosen you over my duty, my koi. I will never let you go and you will b forever mine."

Upon saying the last sentence, Kaworu pulled Shinji into another deep kiss, pouring all his feeling into the kiss and marking Shinji as his and no one else's.

Outside by the window, the two lovebirds did not seem to notice Maya and Misato watching.

"Eh…Misato-san I think we should lave them along ne?" Maya finally managed to utter before fleeing back, flushing from head to toe.

Misato on the other hand could only smile as she finally knew that Shinji was happy.


End file.
